Today (31/8) is my very first day back to college after almost two months off. I’m as a curious as a maba, coming back with high expectation that I will make this semester’s all mine. I mean, good grades, new-usefull-knowledge, ready to becoming part of student council and organize stuffs. Yeah, last year was a poor, confused year, with so many new things I couldn’t handle. And one of them still makes me sad for the rest of my life....left one of UKM that I’ve been falling love with, left my friends there with no words, left dreams that I made since I was 12. left those seniors that always inspire me. Wanala.
It’s hard to explain why I left Wanala and I will explain on the next post. With tears on every single words. The most important thing is because I’m not as thin as people there, I run slowly and making a lot of mess that made all of us got punishments. I don’t want to ruin their life again and make they got punishments, so I left. I know I can’t be like them if I still got fat on every inch of my body. I can’t making commitment with Wanala and get a lot of practice, work out, running or everything.
Okay, back to the main topics. So today I woke up early and prepare myself to get new things and new knowledge. I came to DMP class and I think I’m interest with learning scientific stuffs like that. Writing paper. Publish my own research. And most important, for skripsi (i don’t know what’s in english). So I won’t escape this class.
Second class..You probably never thought before. I came back to PIK class because I was late in UAS, first semester, got D in my transcrip. I hate that, but I must facing PIK again with bravery. My lectures got a high expectation to me because they thought I’m more expert than them (new college students). They said, not I am. I will prove that I won’t messing around again. After 2,5 hours there, I know that I have a hope for good grades in this class. I’m surrounded with my junior, Commers 2015 and most of them were friendly and warm person. I remembered their name, like Dinar, Yasmin and I forgot one, they asked my name before class started and little surprise got a senior in very-very basic class. Yeah. I told them to never messing up with Buk Moer or they will get their own late-regret, hahaha.
So...I gave myself present for those big step. Actually, that was spontaneous. I didn’t even plan that, it was just because I’m near that place. Kampung Ilmu. Place for hunting used and cheap books in Surabaya. I bought two good novels with a very cheap price, IDR 5.000 and 10.000. Also buying Doraemon’s comics for my brothers.
But, buying books wasn’t the only thing I did on Kampung Ilmu. I walked to their garden in second floor. It’s a beautiful place, actually, if it’s clean. Beautiful place to selfie, hehe. That place is abandoned. Messed up. And I found a bottle of Bir Bintang there. Library is closed and super messed up. Everything wasn’t good.
But, no one else came here.
I did an absurd things, selfie with timer. And also thinking of something I haven’t done. I’m almost 20. I’m having two months off college. But, what I have done in my life? I want to be an author, but I didn’t read a lot. I was broken heart after sent my 12 short-story/fiction to media but there’s no notification that it will be published. It’s really really broken my heart. Being an author is the only things I want as a job (and for passion) in my life.
I also thought about spiritual things. I want to breathe with God in every second of my life, but nobody’s tell me where God was. They just told me to pray and pray with no essence or strong faith. My family pressing me out to pray like a saint, but never told me how I can feel God lives in my blood cell. I want to discover the taste of having strong connection with God, I want to crying because I miss and love my God. I want. Clearly the only thing I want.
Anyone want to help me with that? :’)
It’s hard to explain why I left Wanala and I will explain on the next post. With tears on every single words. The most important thing is because I’m not as thin as people there, I run slowly and making a lot of mess that made all of us got punishments. I don’t want to ruin their life again and make they got punishments, so I left. I know I can’t be like them if I still got fat on every inch of my body. I can’t making commitment with Wanala and get a lot of practice, work out, running or everything.
Okay, back to the main topics. So today I woke up early and prepare myself to get new things and new knowledge. I came to DMP class and I think I’m interest with learning scientific stuffs like that. Writing paper. Publish my own research. And most important, for skripsi (i don’t know what’s in english). So I won’t escape this class.
Second class..You probably never thought before. I came back to PIK class because I was late in UAS, first semester, got D in my transcrip. I hate that, but I must facing PIK again with bravery. My lectures got a high expectation to me because they thought I’m more expert than them (new college students). They said, not I am. I will prove that I won’t messing around again. After 2,5 hours there, I know that I have a hope for good grades in this class. I’m surrounded with my junior, Commers 2015 and most of them were friendly and warm person. I remembered their name, like Dinar, Yasmin and I forgot one, they asked my name before class started and little surprise got a senior in very-very basic class. Yeah. I told them to never messing up with Buk Moer or they will get their own late-regret, hahaha.
But, buying books wasn’t the only thing I did on Kampung Ilmu. I walked to their garden in second floor. It’s a beautiful place, actually, if it’s clean. Beautiful place to selfie, hehe. That place is abandoned. Messed up. And I found a bottle of Bir Bintang there. Library is closed and super messed up. Everything wasn’t good.
But, no one else came here.
I did an absurd things, selfie with timer. And also thinking of something I haven’t done. I’m almost 20. I’m having two months off college. But, what I have done in my life? I want to be an author, but I didn’t read a lot. I was broken heart after sent my 12 short-story/fiction to media but there’s no notification that it will be published. It’s really really broken my heart. Being an author is the only things I want as a job (and for passion) in my life.
I also thought about spiritual things. I want to breathe with God in every second of my life, but nobody’s tell me where God was. They just told me to pray and pray with no essence or strong faith. My family pressing me out to pray like a saint, but never told me how I can feel God lives in my blood cell. I want to discover the taste of having strong connection with God, I want to crying because I miss and love my God. I want. Clearly the only thing I want.
Anyone want to help me with that? :’)
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