Having Kid(s): Logical Reasons, Clueless or Social Pressure?

I met my highschool friend, few days ago. She was born in July 1995, a year older than me. She already have her second child, who was born in April 2017. Her first child born in 2015. If you followed my Instagram account, then you will know who she is. Alright, we were not see each other since 2015 (when I came to her house to see her baby), and we arranged to meet in a mall in North Surabaya. Not far from her mother-in law house and our highschool.

So, things going on very well. She told me about her life: marriage, kids, husband, job and et cetera. But, I actually have a some kind of secret mission (okay, this is not a secret anymore, haha). My mission is: to find out why she decided to having children. I mean, people having children with purpose, right? It must be any logical reason why people produce more and more babies in the world.

“So... You already have two kids. Are you planning to have another one?” I asked.

“I don’t know, maybe when my daughters getting into elementary school,” she answered.

I shocked. Wow. For me, as an outsider, two kids is already ENOUGH. But, she want another one. And.... And maybe it’s not just one. She seems not really sure for having how many kids in her life. It’s like, having child is accidentally. If you’re have sex (without condom) and voila! Your womb filled up with another human you should take care. And you’re doing nothing but keeping it. And nine months later, you have a baby, a fully human being you should take care for the whole life.

You know what? Having kid is a big decision. A huge decision which can change your whole world. You can’t be clueless for this case. You should be really careful. It’s about human life. It’s not just typical ‘cute-doll’ who can breath. Some people love babies because they are so cute, innocent and funny. But, human has another stage in life, more than just ‘baby’ period. And, it’s getting more difficult, for years and years. Are you ready for that?

Well, I told you about my life first. I’m a first child, who was born one year after my parents married. Which mean, my parents want to having kid as soon as possible. They were married in October, 1995 and I was born in July, 1996. My mom was 25 and my father was 28 when they married. And I have younger brother in June, 2002, then (another) younger brother in July, 2007. And my mother was pregnant once around 2014, but she was miscarriage. The fetus were not born, died in third month of pregnancy. I don’t know how I should be react, am I supposed to be ‘feeling free’ for not have another siblings, or should I be sad? The fetus didn’t even have a shape and name! So, for what I am crying for?

So, my theory is, my parents have kid for take care of them when they getting old. I remembered they ever said this in the past. But, why the gap between me and my siblings were too far? The gap is almost 5-6 years for each kid in this family. Maybe because both of my parents are working in that time, and thiking “Who will take care of the babies, if they produce more and more babies?’. So this is part of their responsibility too. My mom quitted work in 2007, when she has her third kids.

Uhmmm.. Well, for my own family case, I didn’t found any logical reason to produce more kids. If we back to pre-historic period, the reason why human have kid is for strategy to survive. To avoid human species being extinct. And then we move to war period. When a lot of people died in war and conflict, they produce more kid for making new generation. Again, to avoid human species being extinct. The same reason applied when world has endemic disease, like colera or something. More people died, more people born.

Every person has their personal reason why they decied to having kid. Sure, it’s your rights. You have the body packaged with reproduce system, then go for it. But, remember, never having kid without plan. Don’t be clueless! Don’t be so ignorant. If you have poor financial condition, poor affection and support from your family, not having enough time, lived in worst neighborhood (rural area, which full of crime and conflict, maybe), please re-considering your thoughts to having kid. Re-thinking it again. It’s a really huge decision. Serious.

And, the world is already overpopulated. People born, but they grow up to hard finding job. In this era, finding job is really hard, specially to those who don’t have high education. You will ended up in the same satanic-circle: having tough job-low payment à having kid à kid grow up à hard to find job à ended up having job with low salary. My lecture, Mr. RPW said that this is kind of structural poverty. Not to mention who those being criminal. People with no job tend to ended up being criminal (This is not stereotype, there is a study about this). And, why all of this happened? Overpopulated. We are compete with too many people in this life.

One of the reason why people have kid is because they experienced social pressure. When you get marry, people will ask, “When will you get kid?” or the annoying one will said, “I can’t wait to see you having baby!” or maybe, your parent/parent in law will pressing you to have kid as soon as possible. Some will push you to have more kids, strictly. In Indonesia, we easy to find this case. And what would you do in this situation? A huge social pressure push you to the edge. If you don’t obey this unwritten rules, then you will get judge by the society around you.

I saw this kind of judgement by myself. I have an auntie, after few months marriage, she don’t show any pregnancy sign. My mom asked, “When will you get kid?”. Well, maybe for you this is just the typical of small talks, but this is actually a social pressure. How many people asked her for the same thing? And people will judge you when for many years of marriage and you still don’t have a kid (maybe you have health issues, like unfertility or something). Your head will explode if you experience this by yourself. Seriously.

Are you gonna having kid JUST for make people shut up?

Are you gonna having kid to fullfill society expectation?

Or you will have one when you’re ready?

Well, the choice is yours.

I just want to make sure that people having kid with some logical reasons. When you already mature enough, because handling baby is not that easy. When you have a good financial condition. When you have support from family. When you don’t have abusive partner. When you living in a good neighborhood. When you ready to prepare your child education.

Some people will say, “Too much reasons! Everyone can do anything with their body!”

Yes, you can do it. I just express my thought. But remember, you can’t be ignorant. Because kid is coming with tons of responsibility. I want to make sure you prepare enough. There will be many ups and downs in your life. A lot of breakdowns. A lot of fears. And you have to be ready. Because you will handle a human life, and it’s not an easy one.

And I want to make sure one thing. Please. Please don’t judge people who decided to not have kid in their life. Or judge people who don’t have kid because health issues. Or simply, don’t judge anyone. Let them celebrating their life. Don’t try to disturb and steal their happiness.  

Credit picture: Vivid & Brave